i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
