Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
