No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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