I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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