What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
