$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
