A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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