he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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