I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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