I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
