I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
