great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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