I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
