I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My cat gives me a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
