she was so not down for the gang bang
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
