Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
