how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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