i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
