it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
