none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
