Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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