dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
