I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize