Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
pray to the hookup gods
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
