he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
