sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
