too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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