I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
