he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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