Cold hands, warm shart.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
