Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
