I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Randomize
