You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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