Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
