so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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