So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
