He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
