playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
