How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
