i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
