So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
