Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
