Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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