dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
