so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
