My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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