Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
smell my finger.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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