he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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