I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
