Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
