I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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