its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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