Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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