I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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