Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
