she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
