I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
