And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
