he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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