you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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