I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
