Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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