Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
