i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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