I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
