I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
